Two years and it was harder than ever

I have to say I often wonder if anyone even reads this blog. I sometimes have my doubts. That is why I rarely post here, but I feel on some certain occassions I should post just to say how I am feeling.

Yesterday, the 22nd of November is the 2nd anniversary of my Dad dying. It was hard this year, harder than last year. With losing my Mom it was devastating this year. I have few people to talk to it seems. I can always talk to my wife, but I hate to burden her with my feelings of loss in this time. I have had friends tell me that the fist year is the "hardest" first Thanksgiving, Christmas, Birthday, and so on. Last year was hard but my Mom and I had each other to lean on. This year she is not here. I could barely speak of my Dad's death these past few days. I don't even know who I would talk to if I could talk about it. I have been thinking a lot lately. I am a popular person, there are people who I know that I can't even think of, but I feel a lot like I have lost my "friends." The people who you can be deep with, tell your deepest darkest secrets to. I feel like when I am sad, now that I have lost my Mom I have no one that I can talk to on a regular basis about nothingness...or to be deep with or whatever I want to talk about. I can talk to my wife but I hate to burden her with my inner darkness. I just miss my parents and my friends more than anything.

I suppose it's up to me to change that, but right now with as tired and depressed as I am lately I don't know that I can manage it. I am barely sliding by with the responsibilities I have now. Believe me if I had less on my plate it would be the worst thing for me because I would only sleep more and spend more time feeling sorry for myself.

Well, on a lighter side of life I had the wonderful opportunity to speak in Church, Stake Conference actually. My topic was building on a strong foundation. Wow. Why on earth did they want me to talk about that. Wouldn't they prefer someone who has their life together? It was a great opportunity for me to learn about myself and how we build on our foundations. It starts from within ourselves, that is the message Jesus is trying get across to us with the parable of the foolish man who built his house on the sand and the wise man who built his house upon the rock. At least part of the parable, our foundation must be strong, to do that we must build our own strong foundations.

Enough of me today. Allow me to share this short lesson with you before I close though. If you learn anything from me learn this: Never take for granted the people around you. You never know when they will not be there for you to talk to.